Across the Table - Changing Childhoods, an evaluation of the accelerated maturation of children

Jordan Anderson, Marcus Kim, Suhani Mahajan, Orelia Thottam, Delisa Troupe

Hosts Jordan Anderson, Orelia Thottam, Marcus Kim, and Suhani Mahajan discuss the shift from their childhood experiences to the ones they observe around themselves today. Listen on Spotify or Apple Music.

Suhani: Hello, and welcome to Point of View where we give students a place to listen, learn and lean in. We're your hosts Suhani,

Marcus: Marcus,

Jordan: Jordan,

Orelia: Orelia.

Suhani: And lately, we've been thinking about how we see kids and mind you, these are like middle school aged kids, that we realize they seem a lot more mature or appear a lot more mature, then we remember being at that age, and we wanted to talk about them more and actually share our observations.

Marcus: So if we're going to go off observations, in my neighborhood, there are a couple of middle school kids, right. And mind you, I was kind of a nerdier kid back in middle school. So of course, I wasn't as social in middle school as maybe some of the middle schoolers I'm looking at now. However, you know, sometimes on Friday nights, when I'm hanging out with my friends, and we get home at around, I don't know, 10:30, I see these middle schoolers out with their skateboards and their phones. And I could definitely see them passing as kids my age, I'm not sure. It's just how they carry themselves, what they do, the way they interact with their peers, and just some of the things that they say and do just make me question, “Oh, my gosh, these guys are like four years younger than me.”

Suhani: You kind of forget that too, because this weekend, I hung out with my sister's friends and when I was talking to them, it didn't feel like I was talking to you know, significantly younger children until I reminded myself, “Wait, some of these topics aren't really things that they should be or that I remember talking about when I was their age”. Like they're talking about really intimate relationships and they're, you know, bad mouthing some kids or you know, just like gossip, but this kind of gossip, at least I wasn't exposed to until like high school, and not until the later years.

Jordan: Whenever I see middle schoolers, I always compare how they're acting from when I was in middle school. When I was in middle school, I was weird. I was really weird and closed off. I was like a gremlin. But then when I see other kids that age, and they're acting like how I act now, I always find it interesting how we were the same age. Like they're 12, their 12-year-old lives compared to mine. I was like, more kid-ish. But now they act like I act as a 16-year-old. And I'm just like, “Okay, what are you doing differently that I didn't do? Or what did I do that you didn't do?” You know?

Orelia: It's also like, when I was in middle school I was in India. But when I was in middle school, the way we used to have fun, the way we used to hang out with our friends, and the way our school life was. When I see kids over here, when I see middle school kids, I’m friends with a few middle schoolers and I speak to them, and the way they tend to hang out or the way they spend their time, as in leisure time, it's just different. Like, it's similar to what I do with my friends now. Like, if it's going out at night, hanging out in the mall at night, and then coming back home or something like that. They're doing that stuff now, when I didn't have permission to do any of that stuff back then.

Marcus: I mean, of course, and this is all from the perspective of a semi-affluent suburban life, right? Like, of course, it would be different if we were to look at maybe like, you know, a richer area city or even like a more poor area of accounting or such, but seeing these kids grow up in similar environments as us, it just makes you start to question like, why is this generation suddenly more socially mature than I was? Right? And I think, to kind of, you know, point a finger, I would kind of say, I think it's because of the amount of exposure that they have to social media, right and just technology. Because, you know, with technology, information can be diffused, right. Like, with social media and technology, you know, like gossip and information, or maybe more adulterated content that, you know, some kids shouldn't be exposed to at such young ages happen to kind of come across their radar. And I don't think it's exactly a bad thing that younger generations are, you know, getting iPhones and iPads at earlier ages, but it's just something that us as a generation, like our older generation have to kind of look back and say, “Okay, well, how is this different from us? What can we learn? How can we guide them in a way?” I'm not really sure, but it's definitely the technology and social media that, I would say, is propelling younger kids forward a bit more.

Jordan: Like I can see kids having a phone for maybe security purposes and like when they go out so that they have contact with their family. But then I see 10-year-olds and 11-year-olds having Instagram, Snapchat, and I didn't get social media until seventh grade and even when I did, I was only following my family and only my family could see. And I didn't really show any other people because my family was like, “Oh no, that's your personal thing.” But now my sister's friends try to follow me on Instagram and it's weird because they're little babies in my mind. Even though we're not that big of an age difference, only four years, but they would do things and post certain things and I'm really questioning their thought process and why they're saying those types of things or like, why they're looking at that type of stuff, or acting like it.

Marcus: Like bro, you're like 12, chill. What do you have to do on Instagram? Like go and play hopscotch man. What are you doing on Instagram and Snapchat? Like, actually, what are you doing on Instagram and Snapchat? It's very easy to look at it very pessimistically like “Oh, this younger generation is being ruined by technology”, which is kind of hypocritical because we, you know, the older kids by half a decade or so, we also grew up with technology. But it's very easy to slip into that mindset of “Oh, wow, these younger kids are being ruined by technology.” So it's definitely a slippery slope.

Suhani: Well, I'm not trying to blame but I think what you were talking about, the exposure through social media being the propellant of this, you know, expediting maturity, is that the same things that we are seeing at our age, the clothing trends, the ideas, like, you know, how we hang out, if that's being posted on social media, and younger kids are also exposed to that, they get those same ideas without realizing, you know, there's a good five, four year gap between who they're seeing doing these things and who they themselves are. But now that they're copying, which, obviously, if you're exposed to something, and you like the idea, you're gonna adopt it as your own, there's less of that gap.

Jordan: And trying to fit in because they see it and they're like, “Oh, since they're doing it, that means I have to do it.” So even if what they're doing is not the right thing to do, they feel like they need to do it in order to fit in with everyone else around them and stuff like that.

Orelia: It's also like, when we had that kind of exposure to that kind of social media, we had parents filtering what we were seeing and how much time we were spending on it. But now with kids doing it, many times the parents are not even aware of the fact that they have those social media accounts, or they're lying to their parents about it and not telling them about it. So there's no filter to what they're watching or what they're getting exposed to.

Suhani: And the tricky part about social media is how much you can filter it. When we got social media at the beginning, I mean, five years does make a difference about how recent or how much information is already out there. So regardless of how many filters we were exposed to, there's only a certain amount of media that we can see. Whereas now there's like 20 times that, if not more. So there's such a huge variety of things that children can see and some of it's good, like Marcus said, and some of it's bad.

Orelia: And that’s the extent to which things are changing. Like they're getting exposed to more violent or explicit things than we were exposed to. If we were exposed to, on a scale from one to ten, if we were exposed to the 0.3 stuff, they get exposed to stuff that's equal to nine or ten.

Marcus: Yeah, I mean, I think to kind of take these ideas and form it into a thesis, I would definitely say that the growth of technology and how many, you know, connections there are exponentially increase as time goes on, right? So I think even though it has been, you know, five years, like, four, five, six years in between how we are behaving and how we're looking back. You know, you would say five years, and that's not a lot of time, but in terms of technology and the advancements and the amount of changes in internet culture that have happened. It's definitely not a reach to say that the landscape and technology and social media that we grew up with is completely different from how these younger kids are growing up. And you can be critical and say, “Oh, well, you're exaggerating it’s really only been four years.” But in four years, so much can change. Like, comparing internet culture now versus when I was in middle school, it's like night and day. Like, even just looking at stuff like the memes, right? Like memes back when I was in middle school were just slapstick jokes, and then now I'm looking at some of the memes and jokes that are being thrown around today and I don't even think I should be describing those jokes. But it's definitely, gosh, it's a completely different world from four years ago. It's four years. That's not a lot of time, but it's just so much has changed.

Suhani: So then other than social media, what other reasons could there be for, you know, some of these younger kids to be more mature than at least we remember being at that age, or, you know, knowing about these more mature topics.

Orelia: The environment that they're in, or like, what they're surrounded by, it's that as well. Stuff that goes on in their house or stuff that goes on in their friend's house and their friends tend to talk about it. Because at the end of the day, they are like 11, 12 year olds that are having to experience things that are not normal for them, or are hard to digest for them and they need to speak about it to other people. And when they do, your friends also get exposed to it and you don't know how many of them actually go home and tell their parents about it, to ask for help for them, even for their friends. So they're getting exposed to such kind of topics that they feel like, “Okay, all of this is going on with my friend, I need to help them out.” And they try to wrap their heads around it, and they read about it and understand from other people and then they just have a better idea about those kinds of topics.

Jordan: If we're talking about the environment, we also have to think about sometimes kids, they have to grow up faster. Like when it comes to taking care of your younger siblings or something, you need to be the more mature example for them. For instance, let's use an example. Let's say, parents, they work day and night, and they're not really home all the time. You're maybe like 13, and you have little siblings that are five or whatever. You have to be the so-called parent for them. Since their parents are working, you have to mature. Now they’re looking at you and they're gonna follow what you do, like follow in your footsteps. So you have to be the more mature example for them, which leads to the 13-year-old having to grow up a little faster than a normal 13-year-old should or would be.

Marcus: Speaking of 13-year-olds, someone brought this up a couple weeks ago, but looking back at the recent Olympics that happened. Some of those kids that were competing, like in the Olympics, like they're, like 12-13 years old, and they're on an Olympic stage. And that is commendable, right? Like you've achieved so much out there teen but is it really objectively better to have, you know, these kids being thrown into the world of adults at such a young age? Like is it objectively better to skip those couple of years where, you know, you would play outside and just have goofy, fun, ignorant, enjoyment with other peers your age. Some could maybe say that it's tragic, almost, that they've been kind of gypped of their childhood. But I guess it's all about how you see it. Because from one angle, well you're competing in the Olympics at the age of 13.

Suhani: I have to say, the thing about playing outside, I think that's how we remember our own childhoods. But if I think about my cousins who are like eight ish, right? And like elementary school, they're glued to their screens. So I think the whole childhood experience itself has been redefined. I don't know if my cousins go outside nearly as much as I did. I remember you know, going outside, actually, like picking up sticks and whatnot, you know, just like, like actually, you know, really doing random stuff because I had nothing else to do, you would see all the neighborhood kids out together because there was nothing to do at home. But now everyone has their own screen.

Jordan: Like the Ipad children.

Marcus: Like you see them out in public, and they have like, a leash backpack on them and they're like, on their crusty iPads with like, the big rubber case and they're watching Coco-Melon or something. But honestly, I think I can maybe pinpoint exactly when that transition happened, right? Because I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but Fortnite. I sincerely think it's Fortnite that was the genesis of this, you know, difference in growing up right? Because I remember like, like you said, Suhani, I remember playing with sticks right? I remember some of my fondest memories in childhood were just walking out introducing myself to a random neighborhood kid and like throwing a stick at them. Or like climbing up a set of stairs, in my mind it was a really high set of stairs, but it was maybe like a foot up, and just jumping and then climbing back up and jumping off of it and pretending I could fly, right? And then Fortnite came around, right? And then we made that transition from, you know, playing outside with our neighborhood friends, to getting off the bus and saying, “Hey, do you wanna play Fortnite after school? Right? And then you could see the change in YouTube content, right? It went from more niche stuff to more, you know, daily “Let’s Play” content that you could definitely see a kid enjoying more, right? So I would say we, as you know, ‘04, ‘05, ‘03, you know, that kind of early 2000s timeframe, we were able to definitely get the benefit of, you know, the playing outside childhood and also growing up with technology, like almost a perfect balance. And now since technology is rapidly growing, these younger kids are growing up having less of that playing outside, and more of growing up in complete technology.

Jordan: Weird fun fact, when I was eight and my sister was four, we had a garage at this time, and my mom would take us outside to, you know, ride our bikes. We used to literally look for bugs on the ground, take our bubble gun and trap the bug in a bubble. Don't ask me why we did that. But we thought we were the most amazing, we thought we were part of John Wick or something, trapping bugs with bubbles. But now my sister stays in her room playing Roblox and I join her sometimes, but like, it's crazy to think that we used to go outside all the time. But I don't leave my house. Neither does she. She never leaves the house. And when she does leave the house, it’s to go to her friend's house. But then they end up playing like Minecraft, which they could have done if she wouldn’t have left. But they just changed.

Marcus: Let me just ask, is this a bad thing?

Suhani: Well, I don't know because my sister is, talking from experience obviously, is, you know, not this conventional younger kid that we're describing. She cannot sit still at home, like refuses to. In the summer, I remember when we first moved to Georgia, she actually rang a bunch of our neighbors doorbells and was like,”Hi, are there any kids here? Can I play with your kids?” because she just really wanted to make friends. And though we just moved, I think there's like 20 kids in my neighborhood, like, age ranging from my age to five year olds who know Ruhani. I am Ruhani’s sister, and they, you know, now come outside and play and they'll ring our doorbell and ask if she's available. So I think you know, it depends on who you are inherently.

Orelia: I was just thinking, how does this affect them? They weren't exposed to a portion of childhood that we were exposed to, like without technology. So how does that change, that when they grow up, when they are of our age or even older than us, when they go to that age, how is that going to affect the next generation? Just think that they've been exposed to more advancement in their childhood that they don't know this portion of childhood that we were a part of.

Marcus: Yeah, I mean, of course, when we say generations, we're talking about micro generations, right? Like, there is definitely a big generational gap between let's say, like millennials and Gen Z, and then even within Gen Z, they're micro generations like, early 2000s. and then late 2000s, or, like, early 2010s, right? There's a big difference in culture, right? So again, we are kind of young ourselves so we can't really say but I'm pretty sure if I were to, you know, throw a blind dart, I would definitely say that, with these next coming generations, rather than having a negative outlook like, you know, they haven't really experienced childhood, they've grown up fast. I think that with these younger kids that are coming along, right, you know, maybe we're when we're in college, when we're in college, looking back at upcoming middle schoolers, right? I don't know what will happen, right? But I definitely think that, at that point, technology will be advanced to such a point, you know, where maybe instead of playing outside with sticks, they'll be playing in virtual reality with sticks, right? So I think maybe that what we're looking at these middle schoolers now, it's kind of like the awkward phase where you know, it's right in between playing outside and right in between complete technological immersion, right?

Suhani: So it’s really transitionary.

Marcus: Oh, of course, that's what I think. Of course, I can't even tell you what will happen tomorrow, let alone in a couple years. I don't even know what will happen next period, right? So I don't know what's going to happen within these next couple of years.

Suhani: I mean, on top of that, you have to realize that we’re high schoolers. To some extent, we're also still kids talking about, you know, like a half generation difference of, you know, kids who are younger than us by five years. And we're evaluating their behavior and comparing it to us, though, you know, our parents consider us kids, probably people in their mid 20s honestly consider us kids. And sometimes I look around the school and also consider myself a kid.

Marcus: It’s really easy to take, like a critic's view and say, “Aren't we technically growing up too fast by taking these, you know, deep conversations about, you know, our own critiques on younger generations, like, is that not a form of growing up too fast?”

Orelia: Not really in my opinion, because we're just comparing something that we went through, and kids that see now, you know, they're not going through it, or they're going through it very differently. And because it's so induced by things that they're aware of, and most of us at our age we weren't, and in some ways, it's actually good, like, they're more aware of things, when they grow up, they most probably will have a better outlook and a more positive outlook towards things. But at the same time, they're getting more toned down and stressed out at this time, because of what they're exposed to.

Suhani: I think each generation will have its own, you know, different experiences and whatnot. I think it's just how you react to that, right? So these kids when they grow up, maybe they'll be talking about, “Yes, my childhood didn't really have a lot of going outside, but now I am, because I realized that that's something I want to do.” Maybe because they've only had one side of the spectrum, they’ll choose and they'll have that conscious decision making of, “No, I want something else.” We don't really know, right?

Marcus: But like, what is the spectrum, right? Of course, the definition of the two sides of the spectrum will constantly shift. Like what we think is, you know, again, like playing with sticks versus playing Roblox or Minecraft online. That's our spectrum, right? And in a couple years the spectrum might be, you know, oh, you're just playing Minecraft with your friends versus, you know, talking with them in VR chat or something. I'm not sure if you guys know what I’m talking about. It might be crazy to think that in five years, these middle schoolers that we're talking about might be sitting down and having the same conversation like, “Wow, these middle schoolers, they’re growing up way too fast”, right? Like, what if, five years ago, the high schoolers of then were looking at us as middle schoolers and saying, “Wow, these middle schoolers are growing up way too fast.” We're young, like you said, so I don't want to get ahead of myself. This conversation could be happening, you know, every couple years or so, right? Like maybe it's not just these younger kids. Maybe it was the same thing for us. Like maybe it was the same thing for the current college kids, right? Like I could definitely see us as maybe being a bit too reactionary in the way like, maybe this isn't the worst thing.

Suhani: Okay, but I mean, regardless, the people older than us, you know, kind of turned out okay. I'm sure we’ll turn out okay, in our own way. So regardless of what happens, I think everyone will find a way to cope or to fill in whatever gaps they recognize.

Jordan: I feel like it’s repetitive because even my older sister, she's in her 20s and She looks at me and tells me, “Oh, I didn't do that when I was 16. Oh, my friends didn't do that when we were 15.” Like each new generation is going to be, “Oh, we didn't do that. We didn't do that. We didn't do that”, like as time moves on- oh this sounds like a movie quote- as society grows and stuff like that.

Suhani: I think on that note, before we get too cynical, we should conclude the episode, so this concludes our Across the Table. Thank you so much for listening. For a transcript of this episode, head to the Point of View tab on our website, nhsmessenger.org and follow us on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook at @nhspointofview for updates and new episodes. We're your hosts Suhani, Marcus, Jordan, Orelia and this has been Point of View.