In good company

Your guide to finding real connections

Liana Sabnani, Opinions Editor

If you asked me to define friendship in one word, it would be “connection.” It's in the way a phrase my friend from fourth grade used to say still rolls off my tongue seamlessly, as if time hasn't changed a thing. It’s in the way I scroll past a familiar name in my suggested followers on Instagram—reminiscing about the person who used to appear in my posts. It’s in the way I, to this day, listen to my childhood best friend's favorite band on my phone, picturing them still sharing the other earbud. When we make connections, we give part of ourselves to each other. We become who we surround ourselves with.

This compels me to read people, to understand and encourage them to talk about anything and everything. Tell me about your ambitions, your goals, what you’re good at, and what you’re bad at. I want to know it all. With that, I’ve never found it too hard to make friends. Sometimes, it can be difficult to grasp the idea that not everyone wants to be my friend. This difficulty stems from the way we grow up and the connections we form, which shape who we want to associate ourselves with as we grow older. I have experienced friendships where people prioritize popularity over me. As I continue to form connections, I’ve realized that that is no longer something I align myself with. 

I have especially noticed these types of friendships in high school. I’m a firm believer in the notion that high school is the time to find yourself. It’s where we figure out our passions, our ambitions, and what we plan to do with the next few chapters of our lives. Life-changing events will occur for us and our loved ones in these four years, which is why finding ways to tailor our relationships to our ever-changing lives isn’t exactly easy. Adapting to these changes often starts with setting healthy boundaries, which brings me to how we can create them in our relationships.

As life goes on, I have learned to create boundaries in all my relationships. Specifically, when it comes to the big 5: effort, trust, communication, morality, and respect.

Effort is crucial in distinguishing the difference between high-maintenance and low-maintenance friendships. If a friend perpetually demands attention and pulls you into situations you don't want to be in, they are likely a high-maintenance friend. If you can spend days, weeks, or even months without speaking to a friend, then reconnect as if no time has passed; they are most likely a low-maintenance friend. If you are unsure, ask yourself: Are they draining to be around? I bet you'll get your answer.

As previously mentioned, I want my friends and I to have an open line of reciprocal trust where we can share our thoughts freely. Trust creates a safe space for those who may not always have one. We all need someone we can rely on—someone who has our back and won’t judge us for every little mistake.

Communication, listening, understanding, and reciprocation all fall under the same umbrella. High school is where we begin to transform into young adults, and with that comes the expectation that we communicate like adults too. The ability to address difficult topics and be transparent is essential for any relationship to thrive. No communication, no connection.

Morality has always been big in my book. Particularly when it comes to being uneducated on subjects like politics and social issues. People often say you can be friends with those who have different political views. Nevertheless, I write almost every day and make it a point to stay informed about what’s happening in the world, so that’s a big part of who I am. So, when someone speaks out of ignorance or chooses to ignore the harsh realities that impact actual people's lives, it doesn't reflect the kind of connections I value.

When it comes to respect, respecting others' privacy, decisions, and personal lives is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. We're all growing and learning, and we don't need the people who are supposed to lift us up making things more difficult. Remember that learning to respect your environment and yourself is just as important in forming a healthier lifestyle for you and those around you.

Something I frequently have to remind myself about is that you are who you surround yourself with. You can tell a lot about a person by how they choose their friendships. Behaviors that people around you display are the same ones you will eventually adapt. This year, something that I have worked on is surrounding myself with people who honor my boundaries. Although some may view detaching myself from individuals who violate my boundaries as "toxic" or "disrespectful", those people won’t stick around in the end. Whether I eventually push them away or they push me away, wasting time and energy on those relationships is meaningless.

I'm happy to say that in my last year of high school, I spend every day with people I love and care about. I’m no longer around people who drain me, don’t respect my boundaries, and choose a childish mindset over me. It’s definitely a journey and it takes some time, but eventually, you will find people who enhance your life rather than exhaust it.

Yours truly,

Liana