The unspoken rules of growing up as a girl

Liana Sabnani, Opinions Editor

When you think of the word "woman", what comes to mind? Some phrases may consist of wife, housekeeper, maid, and damsel; at least, those are words that the Collins Dictionary includes in the description of a ‘woman.’ The same dictionary refers to a 'man' as a representative, helper, or even a beast. Damsel versus Beast. What a stark difference. One shows vulnerability, awaiting their rescue, while the other shows authority, ready to conquer. If the world believes that sexism and blatant discrimination against women are a thing of the past, where do these definitions stand?

Be polite. Smile. Never be too loud. Only speak when you are spoken to. Be intelligent, but never overpower a man. Keep your emotions in check. Don’t challenge authority. Dress modestly, but not too modest. Nurture. Don’t show anger. Be slim, but have just the right number of curves.

It would be hypocritical of me to claim that I have never been caught up in these expectations of myself and women in general. I consider myself a feminist, which means I believe in gender equality, that women deserve rights, and that we should not be looked down on. However, sometimes I am hesitant to speak up in discussions, worrying that I will sound too opinionated or loud. Characteristics that, in the back of my mind, do not correlate with being a young woman, or a woman in general; this is something known as internalized misogyny. Something I and many others have unknowingly absorbed and now have to unlearn.

These limitations are meant to confine young girls and women within invisible boundaries in which we are supposed to be everything and nothing all at once. However, these expectations are far from righteous; they are downright destructive. They make us question our self-esteem and sense of individuality. It's hard to be a feminist when you can't even be one to yourself.

The reality is that you can never meet these expectations, whether you want to or not. As a young woman, I've realized that no matter who we are, we will never satisfy those who determine these standards.

So, this is my proposal to create a new set of rules-- or just a rule: Break them and choose your own path. I realize now, writing this piece, that every time I doubted myself, I was surrendering to those unwritten rules, but now I write my own.

Because it’s not women that need to change, but society.

Yours truly,

Liana