Our sad thoughts aren’t bad

Suhani Mahajan, Staff Writer

“Toxic positivity” is a belief that regardless of the circumstances, we should always maintain our happy, optimistic dispositions. It’s the notion that our sad, stressed, or worried thoughts are bad, and that they’re even worse during something overarchingly more devastating—like a year-long global pandemic.

Allow me to be honest for a moment: I am sickly optimistic. When our writing assignments came out, I got scared; how can a firm believer in “fake it till you make it” discuss toxic positivity constructively? I am the toxicity, aren’t I?

But a few hours of introspection later, I understand how positivity can turn toxic, and I’ve realized that even I am impacted by the toxic “good vibes only” culture that our society has adopted. 

We’re all chasing happiness, to some extent, and we’re told that we can find this happiness by staying positive—“You can only find a rainbow when it rains,” after all. This past year especially, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my mother tell my sister some version of, “Cheer up, it could be worse!” But while you can try to fake a smile until you’ve convinced everyone and yourself that you’re happy, I’ve found that this takes an even greater toll on your mental health.

Perhaps as a side effect of my more positive mindset, I’m well attuned to my emotions. At any given moment, I’m hyper-aware of my feelings. Am I happy or am I sad? And if I’m sad, I need to change that; I need to make myself feel happy. Being sad is bad.

That’s the mindset most of us have. Half of toxic positivity is just the suppression of 200% acceptable feelings such as anger, fear, sadness, confusion, and more. Any combination of such feelings is deemed “negative.” Honestly, mix ‘em up and serve them to me in a cocktail, eh? (Fine, fine, a mocktail. I reserve my right to one of those little umbrellas though.)

But by closing ourselves off to anything but positivity, we’re experiencing the same effects as being emotionally numb. Why are we doing this to ourselves?

It’s okay to be honest with yourself about how you feel. And more than that, we need to accept that it’s okay for others to feel the way they do. Instead of advising others on “how to feel better”, or to “stay positive!!”, or to “focus on the good”, let’s open ourselves to be more supportive of each other. Let’s shift to the mindset that however you feel today is valid.

There is an immediate need to eliminate the stigma around “negative” feelings. Feelings shouldn’t be deemed positive or negative—not if positivity can be toxic and sadness is something to be ashamed of for no reason.

In our efforts to push through, we forget that “it’s the journey, not the destination,” that matters. Let your feelings wash over you as they come; welcome them when they show up, but let them dissipate when the time comes. Sometimes, “nothing lasts forever” can be beautiful and reassuring.